Category: VonHelton

HE’S ALIVE…☠…Or is it a CLONE ???

After several weeks of claims of Helton’s death, finally the vampire, sorcerer, jedi, time traveler, punisher, protector of humanity, speaker of demons and so much more has his say.

Dated Oct 8th 2019, in a 42 minute video, Helton goes off on the trolls and threatens to not only sue everyone responsible but to place them in prison for their misdeeds. It’s the usual delusional verbal poop from the mouth.

Since I work with a tiny budget I was only able to place up an entire 3minutes of video before I fell asleep at the wheel causing me to run over a family of ducks crossing a nearby road. When all the silly stuff is put away and the facts are examined, I do not believe this is the REAL Helton but a clone with a five year expiry date. Very much like a ham sandwich Helton once ate.

I rest my case

On Sept 29 2019 I posted the possibility that Von Helton had passed away along with that post was a Youtube video giving some brief personal details.

Now for some strange reason the video was pulled, with no explanation as to why. Along with that was the only obituary that may have confirmed his death. That was removed.

As far as I can tell anything related to Helton’s passing is being pulled from the internet but to the best of my knowledge Helton has not resurfaced or made any recent posts or videos.

There are those that believe a group of Illuminati or government elitists decided Helton was too much of a social and political threat. His jedi mind powers and electrifying charisma jeopardized all of mankind. So he was secretly removed about ten years ago and was replaced with a CLONE. This introduces the clone theory that every five years the clone expires and a new clone is brought in to take his place. This may explain why Helton manages to die every five years and through some dark jedi sorcery comes back. I cannot confirm or deny this.

However where is the documentation to confirm or deny his passing ?

It was recently speculated that this man may hold the key to the unsolved mystery and may be a secret member of the order of the Illuminati from the near future sent to spy on us. I leave all judgements in your capable hands.

I cannot confirm or deny it but you may wish to check out this Youtube link

So long Von Helton you were great blog entertainment and will be missed.


A real time chat going on as I am making this post lol….no joke

But within minutes he may have been found alive and this may very well have been a hoax. Cant make this shit up.

It’s magic

Something fun to wash away the bitter toxic filth from your soul after reading the last post. I think Helton looks pretty good for a 90yr old.

It has come to my attention that the sorcerer supreme high ranking spell caster Von Helton has found a new hobby. That involves children’s toy racing cars….vrooooommmmm vroooommmmm.

Magical unknown sources from another dimension have informed me that the master sorcerer has been receiving a larger than usual sum of money for his special needs son.

As one can imagine he has decided to splurge the cash flow by purchasing what every home needs…racing cars….very expensive racing cars and track. He can be seen with a multitude of packages, receiving about 6 or more a day, and wait till you see what’s inside those packages.

He then spends hours with his official ceremony of the unboxing that can last for several hours, all recorded on his account.

We did a brief search and found various prices on the toy cars with Helton spending possibly hundreds of dollars on HIS” toy hobby.

His Youtube channel….enjoy.

If you should wish to have a giggle I strongly suggest you watch some of his toy racing car moments, it may answer most questions about how Helton has lived his life as a delinquent 58 year old manchild aka the Punisher vigilante…Ex military…martial arts expert…Jedi weilding power mind tricks..Vampire..time traveler..of royal stock and breed…was meant to be wolverine in the Hollywood films..coached by politicians to be the next president of the United States of America..demonic conjurer..and finally sorcerer supreme. I think I listed them all ?

Thanks to those for the info and screen grabs on this post.