Category: VonHelton

All credit to a friend of the blog for this update on the Helton caravan fiasco that has taken place over the past several days. If you’re not sure as to the details you make need to catch up by reading over this link to a  previous post.

http://themonkeyasylum.com/blog/2018/10/30/helton-claims-to-be-a-disabled-vet-and-his-spell-to-stop-the-invasion/

https://www.hannity.com/media-room/caravan-stalls-low-morale-dangerous-conditions-derail-migrant-caravan-in-mexico/

Once you have that under your belt carry on.

So here he is claiming victory over the 14 thousand people attempting to claim refugee statues by walking across the US border from Mexico. However he claims multiple sources have informed him the coming of a 2nd caravan but this group carry firearms and he’s going to have to do something about this.

I clearly had no clue that Helton possessed such supernatural power for all he had to do was call upon the “WINDS” of the north ..south..east and west to compel them to go back home…..right I kid you not.

Imagine the unspeakable power one could have in times of WAR or any worldwide crisis…”I CALL UPON SOME WIND BEGONE AND BLOW AWAY I SAY”…The End.

Or was it ? In fact Helton may posses such extraordinary WIND that he may have compelled himself off the cast….

WATCH in this video as he glances towards the camera says not a word then removes himself from the seat and walks into another room.

DID YOU SEE IT  ?????

Helton may be wearing diapers, watch the below video to see just how much cushion or padding is down the backside of his pants it’s unreal. The below video was placed in slow motion to give you a better idea of just how much cushion he has.

That’s one freaky thick ass for a white man, I think he either pees or craps himself or it may have been the WIND.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Glad for this short post so I can move on and away from that disgusting CREEPY she creature and her delinquent old man flip flop on the two previous posts. So all credit and thx you for this video.

Now in this short clip we have Helton claiming to be a disabled vet, now I’m not up on military legal jibber jabber but is this legal for a person to make such claims ??? Furthermore IF he were a disabled vet wouldn’t the US government have programs and financial assistance to help this “disabled vet” ??????

So is he in a wheelchair a war injury anything that would support his claim of so called disability ????

From what I’m to gather his feet swell up and his back hurts……So he’s with child I mean literally is the sorcery supreme PREGNANT with some poor souls love baby ??

But then listen to him as he states at 26 seconds into the video he’s going to be wearing his sorcerer cape and casting a SPELL or a SMELL to hold back the horde of COMMUNISTS from entering the US and he will do this by using the “WINDS of the GAWDS” to achieve this great feat. So in other words he may just eat a can of beans and do away with the whole state of Kentucky with his putrid gas attack. So much for sorcery when your back side reeks of a toxic stench. You may recall how his ex wife Andrea explained to everyone just how filthy the poop skid marks on his undies where as she refused to place them in the family washer with the other clothes instead she just threw them out in to the trash. No joke.

Oh great one of Kentucky please show us thy magical magnificent powers and cast the evil from this planet. We humbly await thy SMELL.

 

 

 

It was foretold years ago by the American Jedi/sorcerer/vampire/time traveler himself the great Von Helton on the eve of him WINNING the LOTTERY…..no joke lol.The GAWDS themselves told Helton what one day it will BE and by golly that day has finally arrived. Perhaps his make believe Harry Potter Amazon scroll really did work ?

GOOGLE is going down and he predicts Youtube will as well he even claims he has spoken to the owners of Discord and he has been informed that the owners don’t support HATE. Has Helton finally WON will the master sorcerer supreme finally claim internet victory ??? Thank you to the person who took the time to email me the video

 

 

 

 

So bare with me as I TRY and explain what’s going on here on this latest Helton catastrophe turned hilarious. Helton’s been playing FALLOUT a post apocalyptic video game where YOU (the hero) must achieve certain missions by defeating the bad guys…etc etc etc. Along the way you find a pet dog named “Dogmeat” and the two of you go off together to adventure and explore the untamed wilderness of this futuristic world.

However Helton has decided to use a mod to enhance the game play, but in doing so he’s found a GLITCH where his pet dog “DOGMEAT” has decided to have SEX with him and him alone. Did I ever tell you I simply can’t make this shit up ?

Anyone ever hear of the old saying… You lie with the dogs you get up with the FLEAS ???  Does this apply here as it wasn’t so long ago that Helton did have a head lice infestation.

“Also, poor dogmeat can only have sex with ME in the dialogue….I want to get him to go after my companions as well”

Thank you to those responsible for passing this canine gem along to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been informed that ol Helton has made the NEWS again but this time he isn’t the culprit to blame. Apparently his mother allegedly was responsible for striking his child over the head with a coffee cup sometime in early Sept.

During a recent group call Helton’s own daughter spills the beans on Ma Helton being struck with a coffee cup on the head. He states that CPS wrote him up for the home not being tidy enough. One would figure with his newly acquired sorcery skills and magic he could cast a spell and make it all cleaner.As if that wasn’t enough we now have a video featuring Mark who has his opinion on matters concerning the coffee cup incident so much infact he claims to have called CPS on Helton himself.

The poor master of sorcery simply can’t catch a break, maybe he should do a live cast with his colorful cape and leave everyone in awe over it’s magnificence.

“The Emperor’s new clothes”

Oh but wait he did ….haahahahahah….All credit and thank you to VonruinedHisOwnLife and Kunsern for the videos as well as the third party who sent them to me.